Let’s Get This Out of the Way
I’m not some grumpy old man yelling at clouds. I’m not. But honestly, Hollywood? You’re killing me here. It’s 2023, and we’re still getting reboots, remakes, and sequels that make no sense. I mean, I get it. Money. But come on.
I’m Dave. I’ve been writing about movies for, like, 20 years. I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. And lately? It’s mostly ugly. I’m not bitter. I’m just… frustrated. And kinda confused.
That Time I Cried Over a Cartoon
Okay, so picture this. It’s 1998. I’m 12 years old. I’m at a sleepover with my best friend, Marcus. We’re eating pizza, drinking soda, and watching Dexter’s Laboratory. Classic stuff. I love that show. It’s smart, it’s funny, it’s got heart.
Fast forward to 2019. They announce a Dexter reboot. I’m like, ‘Sure, why not?’ I’m open-minded. I want to see it. But then I watch the trailer. And I cry. Not like, big tears. Just… a little leak. Because it’s not Dexter. It’s not. It’s some cheap imitation. And it hurts.
I’m not alone here. I talked to a colleague named Dave—yeah, another Dave—about this. He said, ‘Dave, it’s just a cartoon.’ And I said, ‘No, Dave. It’s not. It’s a piece of my childhood. And you’re messing with it.’
Which… yeah. Fair enough. Maybe I’m being dramatic. But still. It’s my childhood.
The Remake That Almost Worked
Now, don’t get me wrong. Not all remakes are bad. I mean, The Lion King? That was beautiful. But it wasn’t The Lion King. It was a photorealistic version of The Lion King. And that’s not the same thing.
I remember watching it with my niece. She’s 8. She loved it. But she’s 8. She doesn’t know the difference. I do. And it’s… it’s complicatied. (Yeah, I know. ‘Complicated.’ But I’m leaving it.)
Look, I’m not saying we should never remake anything. But can we at least try to make them good? Can we try to honor the original? Or is that too much to ask?
And Then There’s the Sequels
Oh, sequels. Where do I even start? I mean, I get it. Money. But come on. Ghostbusters III? Really? We needed that? And Indiana Jones V? At this point, it’s just greed.
I was at a conference in Austin last year. I’m talking to this producer, right? And I said, ‘Look, I get it. You need to make money. But can’t you at least try to make something new?’ And he said, ‘Dave, the audience wants this.’ And I said, ‘No, they don’t. They want something good. They want something that respects their intelligence.’
And he said, ‘Dave, you’re naive.’ And maybe I am. But I’d rather be naive than a sellout.
A Tangent About Dental Health
Okay, this is gonna sound random, but hear me out. You know what’s important? Dental health. I mean, really important. I read this dental health prevention guide the other day. And it got me thinking. We spend so much time and money on entertainment. But how much do we spend on our health? On our teeth? On our bodies?
I’m not saying we should stop watching movies. I’m just saying… maybe we should prioritize. Maybe we should take care of ourselves. Because, honestly, what’s the point of all this entertainment if we’re not around to enjoy it?
Back to the Point
So, yeah. Hollywood. You’re messing up my childhood. You’re messing up everyone’s childhood. And it’s gotta stop. I’m not saying we should never have reboots or remakes or sequels. I’m just saying… make them good. Make them worth our time. Make them worth our money.
And maybe, just maybe, we can start making something new. Something original. Something that respects our intelligence. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t know. Maybe it is. Maybe I’m just a grumpy old man yelling at clouds. But I don’t think so. I think I’m just a guy who loves movies. And I want to see them get better.
But hey, what do I know? I’m just Dave.
Author Bio: Dave has been a senior magazine editor for over 20 years. He’s written for major publications and has a strong opinion on just about everything. When he’s not complaining about Hollywood, he’s probably complaining about something else. You can find him overcoffee at the place on 5th, probably arguing with someone about a movie.
